Ethical Egoism

Take on photo of a chronically malnourished child. Add to this the fact that he is stark naked, his stomach bloated, his lungs ripping through what is paper thin skin, a grossly disproportioned head and a line “for when we complain” and what do you get? The feebleness of mankind.

I came across this photo on a friend's Facebook profile. The image did not disturb me, as I encounter such scenes in my everyday work. What got me were the words. Are we so self engrossed and materialistic that at times of supposed struggle, we juxtapose ourselves against the disadvantaged sectors of society? Further, is such a justification ethically justified? Should we resort to pitying the troubles of others just to comfort ourselves?

Very few could claim they have never been guilty of the line “it could be worse,” or “At least I am not…fat…ugly…dying…”

As a development professional working with vulnerable migrants, I could easily be accused of the above crime; In response I could argue that helping the disadvantaged stands a long way from using the disadvantaged for self-comfort. The key is helping is to do it selflessly. Yet an increasingly egoistic world leads one to ask – does altruism even exist or is it a mere utopian condition? Further, in today’s day and age, have we created such a thing as ethical egoism?

You see the problem, in my view, really arises when we convert the advantaged-disadvantaged dichotomy into a means for rationalizing out woes. If you are down with the flu, you reassure yourself by remembering those at death’s door. If hate your job, you accept that it could be worse if you were unemployed (ok granted – some people might prefer the latter). How many of us were told by our parents as children that we would be sent to Ethiopia or some other conflict-ridden part of the world at that time if we did not ensure our dinner plate was licked clean?

So, is such ethical egoism a part of natural human behaviour? Buddhist and Hindu philosophy (as I am sure other religions assert as well) would argue not. I have been indulging in a bit of Dalai Lama in recent months from which I have learnt that the ideal mental condition is to be able to rationalise each thought and treat each emotion as a unique entity. Imagine you have some weighing scales in front of you. The perfect condition is to treat all of our emotions – the good, the bad and the ugly - equally and worthy of the same respect. Now that could be translated as don’t go too flipping mental when you get good news and don’t go contemplating the unthinkable when you are down in the dumps.

I endeavor to reach this destination of supreme consciousness, but I do not think I am quite there yet, nor am I in any hurry either. I continue to jump up and down on the bed when I get some good news and I continue to drench my pillow with tears when I have one of those days. I continue to sing in the shower when I am on top of the world and equally, flip into fury when I am stuck in traffic. So for now, I’d like to be content by rationalizing my bad days by valuing my good days instead of against someone else’s sorrow. The chronically malnourished child on Facebook cannot compare his fate to anyone else’s but his own, so who am I to compare my woes against his?

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.”
Buddha, Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B

The Quarter Life Crisis

Yes folks, my time is fast arriving. I am entering the quarter life crisis. The time when you realize that your hopes and aspirations whilst growing up have not quite worked out as you planned. Your “to do” list is never quite “done” when you hit 25.

Last week I read an article in the YOU magazine in which a handful of young women were interviewed about their successful lives and how by the mid-twenties it all seems to come together. Miss X was a fashion assistant for some leading designer, Miss Y was a lawyer in Dubai and Miss Z was presenting a TV show! These young and glamorous ladies seem to have life sussed at the wise age of 25 – great jobs and a great future.

The article had a point. 25 means you are now slowly rolling down the twenty something hill. If you are single, the search for the one becomes a lot more serious than laughing at a few flunk dates. What the heck, if you’re Asian then Mum and Dad start panicking that you are doomed to a life of spinsterhood if you are not settled by 25. If you are not in your dream job you start to devise a strategy about how to get it. If you haven’t completed your trip around the world you start to plan it now. If you are not on the property ladder you start to decide how you are going to climb it. Suddenly at 25, as you get closer to hitting the chunky 30, everything seems to become real.

So if they say that 40 is the new 30 - does that make 25 the new 15?

At 15 I started to keep a diary – my legacy that I hope is discovered by my great granddaughter when rummaging through the family garage 100 years down the line. At 15 I was an inspiring musician and a budding journalist. I now have my foot in the door of the international development sector. I didn’t even know with the international development was back then. At fifteen you can get away with being asked “What do you want to be when you grow up?” and reply (with conviction) “a police officer, a lawyer, a doctor, a singer, an astronaut!”

Today when I am asked “what do you do?” I start an exhausting recital of my life history over the past five years. My career cannot be summed up in one word. For those bankers, lawyers, accountants, doctors and dentists out there – you guys have it easy. That said, my little career speech does initiate what used to be great conversation. These days it’s a little repetitive.

But as I count down the days to my quarter life crisis big day, I am beginning to try and dig up when I left behind when I went to university where I decided to just go with the flow. In the same way that our parents are supposed to rediscover their youth when we fly the nest, are we meant to rediscover our childhood aspirations when we hit 25? Is their still time for me to thrown in a number one chart topping hit? Does true success really have a sell by date?

If we look at it from a gender perspective then maybe it does. Between 21 to 41 we find most people make a name for themselves. And whilst men can concentrate entirely on that career goal, women also have to keep an eye on the clock. The body clock. Trying to plan motherhood is another chunk of life that needs to be slotted into a woman’s post -25 life.

I like to think I am on the right track but I doubt I’ll reach my destination within the next three weeks. Maybe if I ask nicely, Ill get an extension to catch up on my aging “to do” list. Another decade should do it….

All Change at Southall Station

So, they want to take the Punjabi out of Southall? Who are they kidding?! The martial race has firmed engrained its official stamp across the suburb and will not let it go without a battle.

Last month, First Great Western Trains decided they would take the Punjabi train station sign out of Southall station due to complaints from other ethnic minority groups. The sign has been the suburbs treasure for over 12 years. The train authorities decided the sign is insensitive to the several other communities who have made Southall their home and the situation was going to be reviewed. Now that might mean we will have a whole collection of train station signs written in Arabic, Punjabi, Urdu and Tigrinya, or it might mean that we are stuck with English, that is to say we have a choice between chaos or standardization.

The other day I passed through the station and to my relief the sign was still there. After all, the sign is one of the most famous in London and has featured in endless films and documentaries. It’s a landmark comparable to the Sunrise Radio tower, Glassy Junction Pub, and the golden Gurduwara dome as commuters make their way to Paddington.

Punjabis arrived in Southall in the 1950s and form a fundamental part of the town’s social composition and history. Moreover, the town is a tourist destination not just for fellow Indians but for tourists alike who come to catch a glimpse of the glamorous temples and chaotic markets. Without a doubt, it is the closest the Western world is going to get to India in Europe. I have taken friends on a day trip to the tourist hot spot and they have been overwhelmed with the street music, exotic scriptures and large choice of fresh fruit and textiles.

According to the 2001 census, Southall has a 78% ethnic minority (or rather majority) population which is sure to have increased over the last six years. Of the 63% who are of Asian background, three quarters are Indian and Sikhs comprise 31% of the religious make up. Southall is changing however with new communities becoming increasingly visible (Sri Lankan, Russian, Polish, Somali and Afghan to name a few) and the community overall tends to breed and bond off its excessive non-Britishness. In terms of resources, the city is severely deprived, partly due to the excessive weight on local infrastructure from irregular migrants. The multicultural face of the city renders it a comfort zone for illegal migrants in need of employment, refuge and welfare.

Now there are two sides to this debate. One is that the landmark represents the suburb's identity; the other is the message the sign gives off - “Come to England and don’t bother to learn the language”. The latter proves true for Southall in which only the half the population has a grounded grasp of the English language. Yet it is unlikely that removing a train sign is going to change that. Either way, the Punjabis won’t let it go without a fight. A few months ago, the Dominion centre (the heart of Asian arts and community activities in the area) was under threat of closure only to be saved by petitions and protests from the Punjabi community. Today the centre is ever thriving.

First Great Western might find their attempt to change the sign has come a little too late. Southall is firmly stuck in its ways after 60 years of Punjabi settlement and to change this even in the slightest is going to prove exhausting. In this ongoing struggle to create unity amongst diversity in British society, Southall might have to be embraced as the one exception.

Small Talk

The other day I stumbled across a fascinating documentary on giants. Growing up, you associate the Giant with Jack (and the Beanstalk) and maybe with a tin of sweet corn (that’s the Green Green Giant). You think giants are out of this world, wacko and freakish. But you never quite realize how real giants are.

Take Ukrainian Leonid Stadnyk who at 8ft 5 inches is the world’s tallest man. Whilst some of the giants featured in the documentary (including Stadnyk) stated staring and abuse as two of the downfalls of being huge, others embraced their celebrity status by taking part in advertisements or making guest appearances at public events. Former title holder Bao Xishun (pictured above left and right) has certainly learnt to make the most of the limelight.

As an almost five footer, I cannot compare with the giants of this world. I also don’t compare to the world’s shortest person He Pingping (pictured above) from China, who measures a mere 2 ft and 5 inches. But like the giants and miniatures of this world, my life does come with its ups and downs – quite literally. Swinging on the monkey bars has never really worked for me.

Let’s consider the problems small people have at big public gatherings. I am a firm believer that people should be positioned according to height order to enable a fair share of the view. Nelson Mandela’s guest appearance at the unveiling of his statue in Parliament Square a few weeks ago sums up this frustration. It doesn’t matter how early small people get to these events, we are always be deprived. I resorted to being lifted up by my not so tall colleague just to take one snap. The rest of the morning was spent hearing the great man make a speech whilst staring directly into the face of someone’s nicely tamed Afro. I did succeed however in starting a game of Chinese whisper passing the message down to tall man in the front row to take off his cowboy hat and bend down. All in all, my once in a lifetime opportunity of seeing Nelson in the flesh and blood was over in a split second.

So besides the usual being stuck under peoples armpits, being invisible on a packed bus, being used as an arm rest and being unable to find trousers that don’t resemble a flipper suit, there’s always an up side to being small. You get a lot of “awwwwwwww you're so small” and if you work this to your favour you might get the odd piggy back after a manic night out. You get the best views of the human back and are obliged to indulge in lady-like 4 inch stilettos to exert a bit of authority. You can always get away with being under 18 if you fling on some trainers and sling the hair back in a pony tail. People tend to think you are extra fragile so you get away with the non- heavy duty stuff. The bus driver might let you come on a crammed bus because he knows you won’t take up much space.

Short men must have a much harder time. Various studies claim that tall men have it all – the powerful job, tons of money and a larger family! But then you get mega stars like Tom Cruise and Danny de Vito who defy such bogus theories. Giant Bao Xishun gave up on finding his life partner several years ago because his height got in the way. His celebrity status however means that he is now married to a woman half his age and just over half his height. It can’t be all that bad.

It seems that tall and small people may well share similar anxieties from opposing ends of the scale. Yet these two groups of people often turn against each other. For example I rage with fury when Mr. Tall decides to sit or stand in front of me at a concert or in the cinema when he could go to the back and see perfectly well. I often forget however that he didn’t ask to be so tall like I didn’t ask to be small. And so maybe (just maybe) I should learn to be more sympathetic towards the Mr. Talls of this world.

The fact of the matter is, being extra tall or extra small isnt too bad as long as we are not sold short . What should really matter in life is from the neck up. But as the documentary proved, height matters, and too much or too little of it can be a real physical and social disability.

Skin Sin

Those who are blessed with Zee TV in their homes will know that Scar Repairex is the new self proclaimed wonder cure to injury marks, burns, insect bites and Acne scars...correction - Ugly acne scars as the TV advertisment screams.

Today I did what I seem to be doing a lot these days - I complained to an absolute stranger. Last week I demanded that a young man on a Central Line train pick up his chewed to death piece of gum off the floor (to my shock horror he listened to me!) and today I wrote to Scar-Repairex.

The ad features three glamorous models in the politically correct shades of white, black and Asian who use the super cream and have their skin (and lives) transformed.

Now you probably think this post is heading down the road of the "Why do Asians want to be fairer?". Wrong. That ongoing debate is currently in the limelight due to Shah Rukh Khan's appearance in an ad in which he advises a twenty-something Romeo to use fairness cream to woo some bimbo looking lady. Zee TV also boasts a similar ad for Litenex featuring the same story - boy wins sensual women because he is fair. Unfortuantely in a lot of communities, this is probably the truth. Anyway, it's best if I dont get started on the fairness issue.

I would like to draw your attention to the way in which mainstream Indian society's attitude is summarised by Scar Repairex's use of the tag line "Do you have ugly acne scars?"

Some key points to make here

1) As a former acne sufferer myself, I can clearly say that acne sufferers are already conscious of their marks and do not need reminding of their existence during every Zee TV break.

2)Why is it that in narrating a long list of different scars during the ad, acne gets the 'ugly' adjective?

3)Do the makers of Scar-Repairex not know that severe acne sufferers often experience social anxiety, depression and in some cases commit suicide because of their marks? In what way does hailing acne scars 'ugly' on TV help their situation and show a degree of sensitivity towards the needs of their target audience?

4) Why is it such a sin to have not so "perfect" skin in Asian society?
( "perfect skin"= fair (the fairer the better), creamy, spot free and mark free)

I can count endless situations where I have had aunties ask me what is wrong with my skin and that I should try X and Y herbs and gunk to get rid of the acne. Gosh I even been hounded in a mall in South India by a shop keeper's assistant wanting me to purchase 20 bottles of Ayurvedic acne eradicating tablets from the in-house Ayurvedic doctor. Another incident saw me walking into a mobile phone shop wanting to top up my phone credit only to be asked by the retail assistant if I would like to be given some special medicaition to get rid of "that"...dont' even mention trips to the beauty parler.

Acne is no joke and it is about time Asian society woke up to the sensitivities associated with it. "This is our culture" is no excuse. We are talking about real people, real feelings and a real condition.

Baptising the Blog

The Thinking Cow has emerged after a lot of pondering. The Thinking Cow is no ordinary cow. She doesn't come from the fields and is not under farmer's orders. She adapts to all environments and considers herself a free spirit - a roamer. She sits in the middle of the road, unaffected by the sounds of cars honking, people yelling and flys buzzing.

Some people call her lazy - I call her a thinker. For what else does the Indian Cow do when she fixates her large self in the middle of the highway for hours on end? Her thoughts protect her from death, even in the face of a dozen gaudily decorated "Ashok" trucks or a stream of super-speed "Hero Hondas".

The Thinking Cow is peacefully poised in her endless thoughts. We have a great deal to learn from her - patience, contemplation,serenity, elegance but equally courage in the face of danger and assertiveness in the face of confrontation.... A source of inspiration for all? Hence the baptism of the blog.