Small Talk

The other day I stumbled across a fascinating documentary on giants. Growing up, you associate the Giant with Jack (and the Beanstalk) and maybe with a tin of sweet corn (that’s the Green Green Giant). You think giants are out of this world, wacko and freakish. But you never quite realize how real giants are.

Take Ukrainian Leonid Stadnyk who at 8ft 5 inches is the world’s tallest man. Whilst some of the giants featured in the documentary (including Stadnyk) stated staring and abuse as two of the downfalls of being huge, others embraced their celebrity status by taking part in advertisements or making guest appearances at public events. Former title holder Bao Xishun (pictured above left and right) has certainly learnt to make the most of the limelight.

As an almost five footer, I cannot compare with the giants of this world. I also don’t compare to the world’s shortest person He Pingping (pictured above) from China, who measures a mere 2 ft and 5 inches. But like the giants and miniatures of this world, my life does come with its ups and downs – quite literally. Swinging on the monkey bars has never really worked for me.

Let’s consider the problems small people have at big public gatherings. I am a firm believer that people should be positioned according to height order to enable a fair share of the view. Nelson Mandela’s guest appearance at the unveiling of his statue in Parliament Square a few weeks ago sums up this frustration. It doesn’t matter how early small people get to these events, we are always be deprived. I resorted to being lifted up by my not so tall colleague just to take one snap. The rest of the morning was spent hearing the great man make a speech whilst staring directly into the face of someone’s nicely tamed Afro. I did succeed however in starting a game of Chinese whisper passing the message down to tall man in the front row to take off his cowboy hat and bend down. All in all, my once in a lifetime opportunity of seeing Nelson in the flesh and blood was over in a split second.

So besides the usual being stuck under peoples armpits, being invisible on a packed bus, being used as an arm rest and being unable to find trousers that don’t resemble a flipper suit, there’s always an up side to being small. You get a lot of “awwwwwwww you're so small” and if you work this to your favour you might get the odd piggy back after a manic night out. You get the best views of the human back and are obliged to indulge in lady-like 4 inch stilettos to exert a bit of authority. You can always get away with being under 18 if you fling on some trainers and sling the hair back in a pony tail. People tend to think you are extra fragile so you get away with the non- heavy duty stuff. The bus driver might let you come on a crammed bus because he knows you won’t take up much space.

Short men must have a much harder time. Various studies claim that tall men have it all – the powerful job, tons of money and a larger family! But then you get mega stars like Tom Cruise and Danny de Vito who defy such bogus theories. Giant Bao Xishun gave up on finding his life partner several years ago because his height got in the way. His celebrity status however means that he is now married to a woman half his age and just over half his height. It can’t be all that bad.

It seems that tall and small people may well share similar anxieties from opposing ends of the scale. Yet these two groups of people often turn against each other. For example I rage with fury when Mr. Tall decides to sit or stand in front of me at a concert or in the cinema when he could go to the back and see perfectly well. I often forget however that he didn’t ask to be so tall like I didn’t ask to be small. And so maybe (just maybe) I should learn to be more sympathetic towards the Mr. Talls of this world.

The fact of the matter is, being extra tall or extra small isnt too bad as long as we are not sold short . What should really matter in life is from the neck up. But as the documentary proved, height matters, and too much or too little of it can be a real physical and social disability.